Your Darkest Hour
by Eden Superbia
Summary: It's happening again. I don't know how, I don't know why, but we will escape. We will leave. Besides, we've done it before; how hard could it be? I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. I will be here for you. So have some faith in me.
1. Rain

Rain. It's the season for that now. I'm not surprised to wake to it. I'm not surprised when I walk to school in it. I'm not surprised when the subtle drumming hums in my ears as I lay awake in my bed. It's been no different for the last few months. Rain. Rain. Rain.

I used to love the rain. I loved the smell of the wet concrete, the cool damp air as it filled my lungs, and the occasional puddle splashing on near-by-innocent-victim, usually named Mochida.

But now, I dread it. The gloom of the sickly green skies strikes terror into me. The pattering of the falling drops prevents my eyes from shutting at night. And when my sight deceives me, as it often does now, I can see the corpses... bones shimmering in the falling water.

I haven't forgotten. None of us have. It's only been three months, but, I couldn't see us "forgetting" for the rest of our lives. All we can do is move on. We have to; we really don't have a choice.

We have different ways of dealing with it.

Mochida hasn't changed too much; he's still the chivalrous sweet heart I knew before, but there's distance there now. He's alone more often than before, and when he is, he's always in thought. What he thinks about I can never tell; probably about the others. Maybe he believes that if he does, they won't disappear, like they have to everyone else.

Yuka is much more than distant. She's almost entirely withdrawn. She hardly ever speaks when I see her, staying as close to Mochida-kun as possible, and simply watching, with large frightened eyes. Her friends have talked to me in passing. They worry for her, for she hardly talks to them; instead, she stares down at the floor, afraid to meet their eyes. I pity her more than the others. Her innocence was ruined completely in one night; Instead of the bright possibilities of a child's imagination, all her eyes can see now are the demons, hiding behind every corner, bout to pounce and drag her back.

Nakashima suffers from the same silence, not of fear, but of sorrow. The loss of Shinohara-san is something she is still trying to cope with, and from time to time, when I see her coming back from the bathroom after lunch, her eyes are swollen red and her breathing is shaky. The only person she talks to anymore is Mochida, who tries his best to coax her out of her bubble, but I think everyone knows that even if she goes back to being her old self, it won't be for some time. She tries, we can see that. Occasionally I will be talking to one of the other girls in class and she will slowly approach us to try and join in, smiling a bit. It's good to see that.

We all cope. We all get by, if just barely. However, I'm worried about Kishinuma.

He's stopped coming to school.

It's been two weeks since any of us saw or heard from him. It didn't seem like him. Before he left, he seemed to be coping the best of any of us. Yes, he was saddened, any of us could tell from his demeanor, but he didn't let any of that get in the way of his friends. It was almost unusual how attentive he was, checking on Naomi from time to time, teasing Mochida and throwing jokes his way, coming and talking to me when he caught me by myself; He was there for all of us in our darkest hours. And then he just... Disappeared.

And that's why, as the sun is setting and all the others are on their way home after a long after school study session, I have crumpled in my hand a piece of paper, with Kishinuma's address hastily written down, and I am on my way to see him. I'm not sure what to expect; as I get closer and closer to the location, my stomach is doing flips in fearful anticipation. What if this, what if that? After all, it has been two weeks... I tell myself to stop thinking those kinds of things. Kishinuma wouldn't do that...

Then I see his address. I stop in my tracks as my eyes settle on the location. I am standing next to a small apartment complex, consisting of maybe four individual rooms. The door I see is... Slightly ajar. _That's... Strange._

And then I see the small window. The curtains are drawn... But a light from inside casts a shadow on the window that I can clearly see from the sidewalk. It's... Rope... Hanging from the ceiling. My heart begins to pound; I feel light headed. I hear myself exhale slowly as my gaze follows the rope down... Down... And then I see... A head. ..._No... _I stand there. I don't want to believe it... But then I cry out in frantic shock, vision suddenly blurred as I set in motion.

"No!" I run toward the door, tears beginning to run down my cheeks. It couldn't be.


	2. Cry Baby

I stop dead in my tracks, having flung the door wide open. I stand in the doorway, tears dropping from my face in rapid succession, my hand choking a grip on the piece of paper, cheeks hot and breath shaky, to see that what is in front of me is... A ceiling lamp.

The cable rope, once having been carefully stored in the wall above, was now laid bare, as apparently, the lamp head had proved too much weight for the fragile line, and had pulled it from it's initial location. The lamp head itself, round and circular, slightly tilted now from impact, swings gently from the cable... Almost like a real head would. The thought sickens me.

"Shinozaki?" I catch my breath, hearing his voice, a voice that moments ago I thought I would never hear again. Kishinuma is standing right behind me. I cough, realizing there's a clump in my throat; I don't want him to know I had been crying. "Y-yeah?" I answer. My voice cracks, despite my efforts to hide it. Dammit! He shuffles nervously.

"Uh... What are you doing here? Are you okay?" ...Am I okay? Suddenly, my feelings swing in a complete 180. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Are you kidding me?!

I swiftly turn around, tears falling again before the last batch had even dried, but this time in bitter anger. I jab a finger right into his chest.

"What I'm doing here is making sure you're alive! We were worried about you, stupid! Where do you get off, not coming to school for so long?! And not letting us know what happened to you?! We were suspecting the worst! And then you have the nerve to ask me if I'm okay?!" I had wanted yell at him as loud as I could, but by the end, my voice is, unfortunately, softened by my sobs.

Kishinuma looks down at me, eyes wide in a sort of panic. "O-kay okay I'm sorry! Just, don't cry okay?"

But now I can't stop. The hanging from the rope, the corpses shining in the rain, the bodies bobbing in the water... I fall to my knees, hands covering my face, and just begin to cry, sputtering like an idiot. I hear Kishinuma kneel next to me. "Shinozaki..." He begins. I can't stop to even acknowledge him. He sighs. "Lets go inside." He puts his hands under my elbow and helps me up, leading me into the apartment. He sets me down, then sits down next to me, pulling a blanket over us as I cry.

I show no sign of stopping. After a few minutes, I think I have finished my episode, but then another wave of grief and terror just pushes me back into another fit. Kishinuma doesn't leave my side the whole time. He stares down at the ground in front of us, in silence.

I haven't cried since that night.

I couldn't bring myself to think of it- to think of them- anymore than I had to. I could not isolate the fear, but I could withdraw myself from the pain, from the sorrow. My life became an existence based on terror, and I could do nothing about it. But I would forbid myself from sadness. I pushed those feelings away. I pushed them away. That's how I dealt with it.

But then... the possibility of losing another one of our friends... the very idea of what Kishinuma might have done sent me over the edge; The absolute misery overwhelmed me. And now, I see them, as they haunt me once more. I see the splattered remains of Suzumoto against the decrepit boards, and remember that only an hour or so before her fate, we had been laughing together. I hear the voice of Morishige on his cellphone, crying out in torture, longing for Suzumoto, as he took himself to death. Worst of all, I see Shishido-sensei... I see her fall in front of me as the floor gives out beneath her. I watch her disappear into the darkness, her eyes closed, accepting what I could never accept. And underneath it all, there is a single underlying factor that only Kishinuma and I know; everything that happened to my friends, was my fault. They died, because of me. They suffer, because of my carelessness.

I am the single cause.

And so I sit here, and cry.


	3. A Talk

It feels like hours, but eventually, my crying ceases. The sobs undo into whimpers, undo into quiet tears, which undos into silence. Wincing a bit, I feel my tender head pound, holding it gingerly in my hands. It really had been a long while since I had cried like that.

Kishinuma takes notice, looking over at me. For a moment, he's quiet, I assume unsure of what to say. But then I hear him.

"I'll make some tea." He's gets up from the blanket, and heads across the living room to a tiny kitchen a few feet away. I look down at the floor, and now, I'm thinking.

I shouldn't have lost it like that... A class rep like myself. I came here as an authoritative figure, and in only a few moments, I completely lose my professional demeanor and turn into a little five year old. Dammit Ayumi get it together; you can do better than this!

I take my hands off my head and set to work on drying my face. I reach for my water bottle, safe inside my school case when I suddenly realize, I don't have it with me. Did I leave it outside? I don't remember dropping it... And if I did, Kishinuma would have gotten it.

As I retrace my steps, it hits me where I left it; I had been writing Kishinuma's address down from sensei's records, having left my case on his podium, and in such a hurry to not get caught snooping around that I had left it here. You are SUCH a genius Ayumi...

Kishinuma is coming back with the tea now, I look up, smiling politely. My smile seems to make him uneasy, because I see a flash of worry come across his eyes. Don't look at me like that... I stopped crying didn't I?

He hands me my cup of tea, and then sits back down beside me, not imposing to take his place back under the blanket. I take a drink; the warmth brings a welcome feeling of security that I was grateful for after the events that had just transpired.

After a few sips, I get to small talk.

I ask quietly, "So... What happened to your lamp?" I motion to the lamp head in the middle of the living room, hanging low right above a small kotatsu. He growns.

"The damn thing's been loose ever since I got here. I tried to get the maintenance man down here to fix it, but his ass is always too drunk to do his damn job. The bulb went out earlier, and when I went to change it, it fell on me, cracking the old bulb and the new one; it made one hell of a mess. I had been going to throw out the pieces when you came."

"Oh." I say. You see, if you could just come to those logical conclusions in the first place, you could've spared all the trouble earlier... I shrug off my own stupidity and resort back to a mild silence.

And then I decide to go for my real questions.

"Why aren't you coming to school?" I ask bluntly. I feel Kishinuma urk all of a sudden.

"Well uh..." He says. Uh? He starts again. "I don't feel like."

It appears I'll be doing this the hard way."Why not?" I persist.

"I dunno, school's a drag..." He says scratching his head.

"That's not a real answer." I'm trying to keep my emotions in check, after my behavior in the last few interactions we've had this afternoon; but he's making it really difficult for me to keep an even head right now with his incredibly obscure responses.

He looks over at me, and I stare back intently. His eyes soften, and I see I'm making progress, if even slightly.

He sighs. "Ever since I moved out of my parents' place last month, I've had to work more shifts to keep the rent paid for; it doesn't seem that this place'd be worth much, but the damn tenet is charging me up the ass, and he knows I can't do shit about it. I don't have anywhere else to go. My rent is three times as high as the losers upstairs." He looks down into his cup. "It's been rough for me to keep up with rent with limited work time. So I had to make a choice. I really just don't have time for school... I have to keep up with my shifts until I can get a raise; maybe then I can cut back down on my hours."

"You should have told us." I object firmly. "We could've thought up a solution to help you."

"It's not really any of your business. It's my problem." I grind my teeth a bit. This guy can be SO frustrating.

"Don't you realize we're worried about you? You should have at least told us your situation so we could be sure you didn't die!" He winces a bit. I realize I'm getting kind of loud; I try to bring my temper down. I sigh, "I mean... We miss you." I miss you... The thought shoots across my my mind before I can stop it; I push it aside with a shake.

I place my now empty tea cup and stand up suddenly, looking down at Kishinuma as I clear my throat.

"As class representative of Kisaragi Academy's Class 2-9, I order you, Kishinuma Yoshiki, to re-attend school immediately." He grins up at me, amused.

"Sorry class rep, but I'm afraid you don't have that authority." My head throbs a bit.

"You're missing the poi-" He interrupts, also standing up.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you guys know what was up. I didn't realize you were so worried. But I'm not going back till I get the raise." I try to object, but then he stops me again. "It's only temporary. I'm coming back soon." I sigh, realizing that's probably the best I'm going to get out of him for now.

"Alright then... I suppose I'll be on my way then." I say, making my way to the door. But at that very moment, the apartment begins to shake with a tremendous force. I stop in my tracks. An earthquake?! My heart skips a beat, and I begin to tremble with fear.

An earthquake of this magnitude... Could only mean one thing.


	4. A Night at Kishinuma's

I race to the front door, pulling it open with alarming force. Please no! But my intuition struck me correct. I am met with the brunt force of a cold wind. Rain, descending from the dark night sky, pelting my face. Sputtering, I work to close the door, and Kishinuma comes to help me. After a moment of struggle, we manage to shut it again, but we cannot stop the sound of the heavy rain drumming against the walls. I curse.

"Dammit, it's that stupid freak storm from the weather report this morning!" I had wanted to leave Kishinuma's apartment before it struck, but due to certain 'delays,' it appears I have no such luck now.

"How am I supposed to get home in weather like this?!" Kishinuma looks over at me. "I guess you're not going home tonight." Wow, did that sound creepy. I give him a sour look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" His eyes widen, and he shakes his hands rapidly. "Tha-that's not what I meant!" He gives me a look to match mine. "Geeze, what's with you? I meant that, well, since you can't walk in this storm, you'll just have to stay here tonight." A night… here? My face turns red before I can stop myself.

"Th-that's crazy! I can't stay here!" He sees me blushing, though I try to hide my face, and scratches his head. "You don't really have a choice." Deep down, I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that he's right. I sigh, and pull out my phone.

"Alright, I guess you're right. I'll text my sister." As soon as the words left my mouth, we were left in the dark. I jumped a bit, looking around.

"The power?" Kishinuma feels around for his phone, making a light for himself as he makes his way into the kitchen. "The storm must have knocked the power out." He says, searching through one of the cupboards. The power? I look to my phone, and my heart sinks. It didn't just cut the power here, but the storm seems to have also cut the power to the towers as well. Sis is going to flip out…

I shut my phone, and Kishinuma has come back with a candle that he sets on the kotatsu. We sit at opposite ends. "Did you reach your sister." I shake my head. "No reception."

"Oh. Well, you can tell her yourself tomorrow then." I nod, not entirely there. I notice I'm shivering a bit. I bury myself under the blankets there, but I still shiver. And I realize it's because of the fear in the pit of my stomach, making me nauseous. I look around in the shadows of the apartment, shaking now. I can't handle the dark very well anymore.

Kishinuma seems to notice me looking paranoid. "Are you okay?" I swallow, tentatively.

"No… I don't think so." What… did I just say? I had meant to lie. But I don't think I can anymore. But, why am I doing this now? And to Kishinuma! It's not like… I'm his problem. But the words are out now, and I can't take them back. I turn to him. He looks just as surprised as I feel. He opens his mouth to ask me something, but I stop him.

"I can't let it go." I say, forcing the words out. He looks at me solemnly. "Shinozaki…" The words are flowing now, as if I've smashed the dam, and can no longer hold back the rushing water.

"It eats me alive. I'm dying in silence with every passing day. We all are. We're empty shells of who we used to be, trying to get back the place we were before. But how can we do that, when every time we lay awake in a dark room, we see the blue figures out of every corner of our eyes? Every time there's a flash of lightening, your eyes will tell you there's a skeleton laying right next to you, and with the next lash, it's gone. How can we live like that?"

He doesn't have an answer for me. I continue.

"We've been relying on one another. It's all we can do. But when you stopped coming to school… our dynamic broke down. We need you."

"I told you why I wasn't coming. I didn't mean to make things worse or anything. What do you want me to do about it?" He sounds almost angry. I don't have an answer to that question. I'm pushing him too hard.

"I just… don't want us to fall apart. I miss us. I miss hanging out all together as friends." I feel so alone, seeing us isolated in our pain.

"Not a lot of us feel like kicking back and hanging out exactly." I know he's right. I'm making a dumb argument over something we already discussed. But… argh why can't I convey what I want to say?!

"So what do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"

I remember then. I remember having left the class for lunch and heading out into the hallway a few weeks ago. Someone had pulled up Naho's old blog on their phone, and was discussing the Sachiko charm with their friends. When we had got back, I had tried everything to get the occult directory who ran the site to shut it down, but they wouldn't listen to me. Hearing them plan to use the charm made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't take it, and ran out into the hallway, possibly about to break down.

And Kishinuma followed me. I wasn't expecting him to be a doting friendly figure, to stand close and tell me it was going to be okay. And I was right. He was so awkward, approaching me and trying to comfort me as I stood there in silence. It didn't see, he was going to get through to me. But then, he started talking about back then… I didn't know why, but he just did. He told me about when I had fallen into the pool, and how he had jumped in to get me. He told me how gross the water was, although I remembered well enough. And he told me how he dove down into that water to 'pull my ass up' so I could get back home and go on smiling and 'scaring the crap out of people,' as I had always done. He told me he stuck by me for a reason, and that reason wasn't to torture myself with what had happened.

And that's when I realize why I had survived at all. I had noticed it, how he was always checking on us and making sure we weren't totally losing it. But what I didn't notice was how much I had grown to depend on him… And now I sit here, in the dark, with Kishinuma right in front of me. It seems so obvious now. Why did I come here? Why was I so worried? Was it for my friends? Or…

Was it because I was the one who needed him?

"Don't leave me." His eyes widen a bit. It's still really dark, but I can make the faintest traces of pink on his cheeks. My face becomes hot too. It sounds like the words hold more meaning than what I intended to convey, but I have to plead with him. I can't lose my source of strength right now.

"Don't leave me." I repeat. He swallows. "What are you talking about? I'm right here." Idiot… I try another way.

"You were always there for me Kishinuma san, and I'm thankful for that. But, it seems I'm still depending on you to help me up when I fall. And right now, I'm falling pretty hard. So please, don't leave me." He stares at me. Then, he chuckles, I suppose trying to lighten the mood.

"Not to be rude, but isn't Mochida better for that kind of job?" My heart stings a bit. My Mochida… he's in no place to help anyone. He's sweet, kind, compassionate… but he can't handle any more burden than what he already carries. And besides… he only has eyes for Nakashima. I feel sick as I think of the two of them. I push it out of my mind.

At that point, I realize I haven't answered Kishinuma's question, but I also realize, I don't have a way to openly answer it either. So I avoid it altogether.

"It's getting late… is there any place I can sleep." He doesn't question my change of topic. He gets up. "You can have the bed." I get up, and follow him to the closed door inside the kitchen. He opens it, to reveal a small bedroom, consisting of a single bed, and a closet. Or at least, that's all I can make out.

"Thanks… um…" I hesitate. "I don't suppose you have clothes for me to sleep in." He thinks for a moment, going to the closet. "Only a shirt…" Only a shirt?! Ugh, but I can't sleep in my uniform, there's school tomorrow! I feel that my face is really red, and I'm thankful for the darkness now.

"I'll take it." He hesitates, handing me the shirt, which is thankfully quite big. Then he stands there.

"Well don't just stand there, out!" I say. He nods quickly, leaving me in the room, shutting the door behind him. I roll my eyes. Boys….

I carefully undress, folding my uniform neatly so it wouldn't wrinkle and placing it on the edge of the bed. Then I pull the shirt over my head. It stops right below my underwear. Dammit it all…

I go and climb under the covers, so Kishinuma won't see, and praying that we wouldn't run into each other in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or anything like that. Realizing that it's pitch dark, I hurriedly call Kishinuma back in. "I'm done." I say. He enters back in, with the candle.

I see him place it on a nightstand that I hadn't noticed before, then he goes to work putting down sheets on the floor next to me. I look up at the ceiling, deep in thought. He finishes, throwing down a pillow, then laying down. At this point, I'm dozing off. I had had a few weeks, and finally laying down to rest after many sleepless nights makes me realize just how tired I am.

I hear Kishinuma's voice in my head, behind my closed eyes.

"I won't leave you." My eyes open a bit, turning to the floor next to me. "Wha…" Did I hear that correctly? Kishinuma is looking right at me. He's… smiling. "I won't leave you, Ayumi." Did he just use my first name? I blush, but despite my curiosity, I find sleep shutting my eyes again. At all times for me to be tired… And yet I can't help it. I'm drifting… But I hear him once more.

"I will be here for you, for as long as you need me. Because… I lo-"

And then everything is black.


	5. Awaken Into the Nightmare

(A/N) Hello fans! I'm sorry it took so long to get the last chapter up; I had one hell of a week last week. I'll try to stay on top of my posts from now on. I wanted to try something new for this chapter. If you can do this, and wish to participate, I want you to open up a YouTube video in another tab. It's called "13 Shousou (Uneasiness) (Ib OST)" and it is posted by thewoeking. Pause this video, and start it from the beginning if it started playing a bit. Now, you will come across in this chapter a sentence with three of these '*' right before it. So, it will look like, '***' and then it will be followed by a very short sentence. When you come across these three '***', stop reading, go play the video, come back to the story. Once the music starts, read the sentence that follows the three '***' and continue reading all the way to the end.

Tell me if you like the effect it adds :3 Enjoy!

* * *

My eyes open slightly. I groan, wanting to roll over and fall back asleep. I know better though. I could be late for school if I go back to sleep. What time is it any way…?

I look around the room. It's still dark. See, I can go back to sleep if I want to! I'm thankful for the extra snooze time… However, it doesn't feel right. I think for a moment, my face buried in my pillow.

My body feel well more rested than for me to have gotten up in the middle of the night. It could be just one of those nights where I slept so well, I didn't need a full night's sleep. But… was this pillow always so itchy?

I sit up. Now that I'm thinking about it, Kishinuma's pillow was much firmer, and the pillow case was made of a smooth polyester. This pillow was extremely soft by comparison, made of an itchy wool. I hold it up to my face once more. It smelled musty, like it was very old.

Did Kishinuma switch pillows with me? But then I notice the sheets. The ones I had been using before were also made of polyester. These sheets were… linen. And, come to think of it… I feel for the two edges of the bed; Wasn't this bed bigger?

What the hell is going on… Am I dreaming or something? This was certainly the most lucid dream I've ever had. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and I hear two distinct noises as my feet touch the ground. The first, the creaking of old springs and rickety metals fixtures from the bed I had slipped out of. The second, was the groan of weak. Old. Wooden. Floor boards. Kishinuma's floor boards did not make that sound.

I feel sick. My head is becoming dizzy as I try to run through any logical possibilities I have… Any except the one that is showing itself to be the most evident. I'm sleeping in a cot… In an old room… What else could this mean?!

Suddenly, I hear a snap, like that of a light switch. There's a flicker of dim light, that my sleep sensitive eyes are not prepared for. I wince a bit… and then open my eyes.

***And scream.

I'm in the infirmary! I fall to my knees, the floor boards making their grotesque creak. I'm shaking, and my wide eyes look around in absolute terror. I see the walls, looming and tattered, miserable pieces of yellowed parchment tearing from the crumbled stone. I see the broken dusty fixtures, so hauntingly familiar; rickety dark cabinets filled with… tangled messes of dirty black hair! I watch, horrified, as it grows from behind the cracked glass door, and amasses into pool of sickening rot upon the ground, curling around the cracked and weathered desk beside it, groaning under the weight of my echoing screams… I rub my eyes, again, again, again, again. Why are they still there?!

This- This can't be happening. My fists are clenching as I hold back another scream.

"How can this be happening!" I feel weak, like I'm about to faint. And then I hear, amongst the sound of my own trembling voice, the sound of… laughter. It's quiet, but growing… louder! The sound of children's laughter! I put my hands over my ears, and squeeze my eyes shut. Go away, go away! But the sound, the sound… it persists! They're laughing at me!

I can't take this, I can't take it!

"Leave me alone, leave me alone!" I beg, tears falling down my cheeks as I shake and shudder. I feel cold, I'm about to lose it. Why is this happening, I don't understand! Why?!

"This wasn't supposed to happen! I was done with this place! Why am I back here?! Why, why, WHY?!" I scream, and then… I start to laugh. Why not laugh? It's funny isn't it?! I hate this place, and I hate myself, why not hate both together?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't stop the laughter please, I think it's funny too! Let's laugh together, you miserable things! Let's laugh over my dead friends! Let's laugh over the falling tears! Let's laugh because, I'm going to die now too!

And I laugh and laugh and laugh.

And then, I see the small feet of a child, radiating with a blue light. I stare at them, then look up to see the hem of a torn red dress. And then I see her hand, carrying a pair of bloodied scissors, her long black hair flowing like strings of death. My eyes follow up to the base of her face. I can't meet her eyes, I can't look into her eyes. Her thin pale lips… askew into a cute little smile. I smile too, feeling my rapid-eye moment amidst deep slumber. This has to be a dream, right? It can't be real. None of this is real!

And then… she giggles. I hear her, and her small, soft… giggle.

"Welcome back, Shinozaki-san."

I scream.


End file.
